While I had high aspirations for my running in 2012, riding the wave from 2011, it is not to be the story I kept telling myself September through December. I have a new story to live, I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'll discover it as I discovered new depth and breadth in myself last year. Yes, it has been a struggle to arrive at this realization. I've yearned for the mountain peaks and the eastern flats that were my playground last year. I've beat myself up over not wearing traction when I had it on Dec 18 for the descent of Mt. Sanitas. I've tried to remain positive when running really just hurts and ended up depressed about "what would have been in 2012". I'm human and I have some sort of piece of me that isn't as happy if I'm not able to do five or six hour runs over multiple peaks...I wish I knew why. It doesn't matter where I am, when I look up at the mountains west of Boulder, my insides churn. I want to jump up, throw on some gear and go.
The doctor seems to think I have six or more months before this injury gets "right" and then I can do all the things I use to do on a whim. I have to fight the urge to just say to hell with it, I'll go anyway and see what happens, even though I know what will happen and thankfully that keeps the lion in the cage for a few more days until I get another urge.I have to find balance in 2012. Hopefully, I'll return in 2013. I want to enter the lottery for Western States and do Leadville again. I'll be stronger, hopefully faster and certainly rested.
"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony."
- Thomas Merton
