"There is no spoon."

Last weekend I had an ongoing dialogue in my head, it was Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen commentating the Tour de France in my head as we ran for 10 hours on Saturday.  This weekend it was The Matrix:

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

This weekend marked the end of my training "ramp" and the start of my three week taper for the Leadville 100 on August 20th.  Annie had organized for us to be joined by the Wall family (Clint, Kirsten, Sierra, Kaia) and Stephen Price this weekend to wrap up my training with some big days and fun as a group.  We had loads of both.


Clint and I drove up late Thursday night to get an early morning run in on Friday before the gang showed up.  Clint and I clocked in at the Golden Burro, a classic eatery in downtown Leadville before heading out.  We both had the "Miner's" breakfast and had no concern for that huge biscuit sitting in our stomachs for too long.

We made our way to Twin Lakes, ran into a guy who assisted us with directions.  As I have found continually in my time in Leadville, the course does not "reveal" itself all that easily.  We decided to opt out of the deep river crossing and head a bit west to cross on a bridge and hook up with the course trail for the ascent up the front side of Hope Pass.   After we left the car, suited up and ready for an attack on the mountain we again, asked for directions a few times.  We finally came upon this sign to confirm our direction.  Willis was a famous miner from Winfield who made and lost a fortune in gold back in the day.  But it was clear what direction we were headed in for our fun.  The front side of Hope as we found, is much more forgiving than the back side.  It's a gradual climb in comparison and sheltered for much of the way through a gulch until you reach the timberline.  Clint and I were feeling good after our huge breakfast and found the altitude to be satisfactory for the occasional giggle and breathtaking awe of the beauty we were traversing. 

We soon found ourselves above timberline and relishing the 360 degree views.  We'd had a pretty good run thus far.  The weather was excellent, we felt fueled and found good conversation to the top.  At the top of the pass we took a break to assess the developing weather systems to the south and west, eat and enjoy our first accomplishment of the day.  The trail had been peppered with others training on the course and we found kinship in the experience.  At this point we decided to descent the back side and "hope" the weather held for our return ascent.  We reached the bottom without fail and hit the road to Winfield for about a mile and half and then turned around as the weather was developing pretty quick.  The return to the back side ascent brought me back to my time with Annie two weekends ago when we had done this together.  There is comfort in knowledge.  I knew the steepness, I could practice what sections to run on and what sections to "fast hike" to conserve precious energy.  I knew all of these experiences would be beneficial come race day when I might be in a fog mentally by this point, but knowing what to tell myself would help keep me on plan.

 
We hit the pass just as weather was closing in, but not yet unleashing.  Come race day in late August there will be an even greater probability for inclement weather.  First, it will be much later in the afternoon when I return over Hope Pass for the trip home to the finish and second it's just the nature of the weather patterns as the summer days dwindle and we enter the fall season.  I can expect potentially drastic temperature drops, excessive wind, driving rain, pelting hail and wet snow as well as severe lightening...or it'll be a day like it was Friday...awesome!  We made it back to the car just as the clouds closed in around the pass, thunder and lightening rocked the sky and we could no longer see the place from which we'd just come.  That was a close one.  We completed almost 17 miles and 6,300 ft of elevation gain, it was a good start to the weekend with a good friend.  Thanks Clint.


We arrived at the house, met up with the girls (all four of them)...and had an enjoyable evening together.  It was nice to have everyone around and distract me from focusing on the training and race too much.  Sierra and Kaia are awesome kids and a lot of fun to be around. 

Saturday morning brought anxiety, I was going to run alone for a large section of the course.  The plan was for Annie and Kirsten to drop me off in Twin Lakes and for me to run north on the course roughly 27 miles to May Queen on Turquoise Lake.  Clint and Stephen would start at May Queen and meet me somewhere on the course and then run back with me.  Your mind can play tricks on you, psych you out and reek havoc.  Did I have enough in my legs after the week of miles and huge climbs from the day before?  Would I get lost?  Would I meet up with Clint and Stephen or would we all get off course and run around each other.  I needed focus, so the "spoon" was my mantra for miles and miles.  This section of the course was my least favorite.  After a beautiful ascent out of Twin Lakes on the Colorado Trail and fun single track, I was launched onto jeep roads totally exposed to the early morning sun and heat.  I was "contouring" north along the bases of Mt Elbert, Mt Massive and finally turning east to the flatness of the valley before returning west to the Fish Hatchery for my final ascent up the famed "power lines" to Sugar Loaf Pass and then the descent into May Queen.  I ran hard the whole time, stopping a lot to check the map and compass, there are just no markers of any sort to put your mind at ease.  I'd run hard for a few miles get to a junction, stop, take out the map sweat dripping onto it, orient with the compass, confirm position and start running my heart out again.  
 
I actually called Annie a couple of hours in to checkpoint, I was actually on schedule.  The boys had left just a bit ago, which meant the plan would work to meet up with them on the power lines trail ascent as I'd hoped.  I started exchanging texts with Stephen as I ran (don't you love technology these days) to see where they were and we were on a welcomed collision course.  By this point the sun and heat were relentless, I'd stopped at the Fish Hatchery to get a refill on water and again ask for directions.  I finally made it to the turn off for the power lines but would have passed it without the assistance of some mountain bikes training for the LT100 mountain bike race.  I ran on, hard.  Running the hill and about 3/4 of the way up ran into Stephen and Clint, I was so happy to see them.  We crushed the remaining ascent and headed over Sugar Loaf to stop and eat and gaze out over the lake.  I was nearly done, so close, just one more descent and 4 miles or so.  We rolled into May Queen and I walked literally, shoes and socks on feet, into the lake and sat down in chest deep water.  I was done as I gazed upward to the spot we'd stopped to eat overlooking the lake.  Nearly 27 miles and 3,700 ft of elevation gain and over 5 hours of running (and stopping).  I got emotional, I teared up, I couldn't talk.  Every inch of my body was tingling.  I had made the decision the night before that I needed to do a large part of this run on my own, I needed to feel what it would be like to be out there without anyone.  I needed to feel what it would be like to see people and get a pacer after pushing myself, alone. 

I needed to see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. 

I have three glorious weeks ahead of me to find comfort in knowing I've done all that I can do to prepare for this race that eluded me a year ago as I was recovering.  I've rediscovered dormant drive I once knew and had missed.  A physical/psychological drive that only comes with pushing yourself beyond limits over and over again.  I've discovered new enlightening aspects of life that I'll cherish forever. How love can truly conquer fear in so many parts of our lives each day and how grateful I am for the love of my life.  

Annie has been my biggest supporter and even when I didn't think I had it in me, she knew I did.  She practically threw me out of the car on Saturday morning (figuratively), because she knew if I thought about it too much longer, I'd change my mind...she knows me so well.  She has been an amazing spirit on this journey and I can't wait to collapse in her arms on Sunday, August 21st, knowing I couldn't have done this without her by my side, knowing just what to do when so I got what I needed, a push out the door or arms to melt into after it was all over.


"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it" - Morpheus