A month has roughly past since the last post. In that time, much has occurred. We packed up in San Diego, celebrated living life and a life well lived; finally settling ourselves in our new home for the next two months or so, located in Mill Valley, CA.
A good friend, mentor and accomplished runner, Steve Byrnes decided for his 40th birthday he'd run 40 miles. It's crazy by most everyone's standards, except Steve. You have to know Steve to understand "why" but what made this so different than any other "run" or "race" was his all inclusive approach with the help of his lovely wife Pamela and good friend Scott Labat. Steve made this event not just about himself and achieving a great milestone, but about his friends and family as well, who all joined in during the run and/or after for the big celebration. Celebrating life through expression of Steve's passion, running, and sharing that experience with everyone will be something I'll always remember and cherish for years to come, at least for the next 10 years, until Steve decides to run 50 miles on his 50th birthday. Congratulations Steve!
Shortly after returning home from Minnesota, we learned that Mimi, Catherine's mother (our grandmother) had passed on. We flew out from San Diego after packing up our place to join family on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Mimi was special to each of us for our own reasons. She was a graceful woman with the ability to make anyone feel at ease and welcome in her presence. You simply couldn't stop yourself from smiling just being around her. She is a reminder to me of the person I always want to be: compassionate, kind, joyful and loving to all. Mimi, we'll miss you dearly, but know you will continue to touch our lives. I will keep my promise to you.
Needless to say it's been an emotional roller coaster these last couple of weeks; but isn't that life anyway? I am grateful for my wife, family and friends. I am hopeful with the rise of the sun each day and thankful for the day on which the sun sets. Life.
It's been easy to forget about the last three months and all that has consumed us, a blessing. The wound is almost completely healed and I am living a relatively normal life. I started running two weeks ago, slowly working my way back. This will be a long and involved process, but I have a plan, and I am determined and focused to make the starting line of Leadville on August 21st. I have gained immeasurable inspiration from these last weeks thanks to Steve and Mimi.
"Life is not in having and getting, but in being and becoming." - Matthew Arnold
For those that don't know the analogy above: I participate in a relay race every year called Hood to Coast. Essentially a twelve person team, split between two vehicles (6 a piece) runs roughly 200 miles trading off "legs" or distances within each van and then hands the baton off to the other vehicle after six legs have been completed. We do this hand off three times, so each runner completes a total of three "legs" each. It's fun, it's brotherhood (we run an all male team), it's exhilarating, in a way, indescribable.
Monday the woundVAC was removed for the last time, scratch man-purse on my left side making funny gurgling sounds. Tuesday, was the second to last visit to the doctor, intravenous antibiotics complete, PICC line removed, scratch right side pump and tourist-like fanny pack. I am now free of all machines and tubes. Annie is now changing the wound dressing with intermittent nurse visits to poke, measure and monitor. I can finally take a normal shower, Annie is pleased. We follow-up with the doctor on March 22nd to do a final blood draw and absolutely verify I am free of the infection before we head up to the Bay Area for a couple of months.
Yes, one leg complete. As for the next two legs, next up is the "Easy does it Cowboy". Now that I am rid of the infection, it's time to ease back into the life I once knew. I've brought a trainer into the mix that works with professional athletes to create a physical therapy program that is aggressive yet mindful. There are so many things to be grateful for in my life. I am most grateful for Annie. She has been my light, my rock, my conscious, my everything. She continually demonstrates to me the life I want to live, a life full of gratitude and humility.
The last leg, the third leg or "Soul Train" of this journey will hopefully end on the starting line of the Leadville Trail 100 Running Race on August 21st at 4am.
Realistically,
this may not happen, I may not have enough time left this year to train properly, but I am going to attempt safely, humbly and without regret to run this race in August.
Thank you for all the support from family and friends, I am grateful and eternally indebted. You are my warmth on a cold winter day, my shield from a ferocious wind and light in moments of darkness.
In the microcosm that has been my life, I've mentioned a couple of times the importance of the small things in life. This process has certainly made me aware of those small things I take for granted everyday without even knowing it.
On again, off again, recovery is a continuous swing between good days, experiencing tremendous highs and bad days, dragging through the trough. You expect it, you try to plan for it, but sometimes you aren't prepared, it's just life.
Roughly one more week to go. The wound "side walls" are healing quickly, however the depth is not receding at the same pace and there is some concern. It could be nothing, it could be something, we just don't know. So, I'm effectively on bed rest for 3 days with minimal activity reserved for required movement, for example traveling to the bathroom. The hope is to isolate anything that could be impacting the healing process. The wound is directly over the top of the femur bone so there is friction caused by just about anything...other than sitting still. The trouble is that movement is good for blood flow, which is also good for healing, so I have to balance and moderate.
If by next Wednesday there isn't tremendous improvement, the nurse will do a culture and run some tests. Yeah, that sucks. It's a waiting game. One more week. Who knows. Let's just focus on the fact that Wednesday could be a very good day.
Again, I'm reminded of how small and insignificant my predicament is, today Chile was hit with an earthquake 800 times as powerful as the one that hit Haiti. Okay, enough said.
Maybe there is something more to the slogan, "Find Yourself Here" than meets the eye.
Monday the woundVAC came off, we did it for two reasons: 1) the tissue around the wound was inflamed and irritated 2) the wound looked far enough along that it could make it the rest of the way without external assistance. Fast forward, it's yesterday, the tissue around the wound has healed, #1 - check but on #2 - double fault. We reinstalled the infamous woundVAC. After four days of glorious freedom, it was determined that the wound wasn't healing fast enough without the woundVAC's miracle works of accelerating the healing process.
For whatever reason, I've had more pain this past week and felt worse without it. I am happy for the return of my machine, although it makes me more tired. The pain is reduced for some reason, for now.
So I'm finding myself. There are ups and downs; you have to manage your own expectations and do what you can with what you've got. Two more weeks of antibiotics and hopefully that will be the end of the woundVAC as well.
I'm searching for depth in the slogan of the state we currently reside, that's what I am focused on.
First there was a glorious Sunday. Annie and I headed out for a road trip (for me that consists of anything further than the doctor's office or grocery store) to spend the beautiful afternoon roaming south down the coast from Solana Beach. It was great to spend time with Annie, it's funny how you forget how good it feels to do things like sitting on a park bench watching surfers and the waves in the warm sun.
Yesterday (Monday) was another visit to the doctor. In the last week we've not had as much progress in the healing department as before, which is to be expected. Needless to say it's been a little rough with the lull. HOWEVER...Sandy removed the woundVAC and dressing and felt like it might be time to REMOVE the damn thing. The doctor concurred and I could hardly contain my excitement. In addition, the doctor told me to get off the crutches completely unless fatigued or pained. I left the appointment on "cloud nine".
To top it off Pat Herbst, a good friend and fellow runner from Portland, Oregon was in town for a business meeting. I can't say enough good things about Pat and his family. Jean, his wife, hosts us with Pat, once a year for Hood to Coast both in Portland for the start and Seaside for the finish. This isn't a few runners sleeping in their house, it's 12 guys and in some cases more. In short, she ROCKS! She's the sister we all wished for and it's great to have her as part of a very special weekend. Not to mention their children are exceptional. Mallory, Patrick and Ronan have benefited from good parental genes, but Pat and Jean are phenomenal parents and create an incredible environment for the children to flourish. Each of the kids made homemade "get well" cards for me, two times over. One set mailed to the house in Boulder and when they found out Pat was going to see me, they made another set. Hallmark could take some lessons from these three.
Thank you Mallory, Patrick and Ronan ! You guys are amazing!
Pat is one of those friends that is always there, just when you need him. He's the guy in the van before an important leg of the race getting you psyched up or after a tough leg offering congratulations or solace. But Pat goes way beyond the short weekend we spend together, running. He flew into San Diego and made his way up the coast to Encinitas. Even though he's a keynote speaker on multiple days of the meeting this week, he still made time to come see me. He's just that kind of guy. Thanks Pat!
With that I need to give a quick shout out to the entire Hood to Coast crowd, who have, as they always do rallied behind a fallen runner. Tim Hammill hooked me up with a consult to make sure I was on the right track with the locals; multiple phone calls, posts and emails of support from all the guys have helped sustain my positivity, just when I needed it the most.
To cap the evening off, Emily, a good friend from Boulder who now lives in Santa Monica, was in the area and stopped by for a visit. It's full circle. Emily was actually with Annie and me, six years ago when I broke my leg. Her dad saved the day. We're lucky, she'll be back with Scott for the weekend.
Thanks to my family and friends for all the support through this, we are past the halfway point and I feel great! While it might be a while before I'm running again, I am comforted at the thought of just being able to live a "tube, pump, catheter free" lifestyle.
I see the doctor again on March 8, two days before the antibiotic cycle finishes and the PICC line is pulled. We most likely will stay in the San Diego area through mid-March to make sure everything wraps up, but who knows maybe it'll be longer.
I've never liked the SAW series of movies, just a bit too gory and too much insight into a sick and twisted mind. However, I do have some photos that probably qualify for some future installment of their movies.
Sandy, my wound nurse, changes the woundVAC dressing three days a week. She's AWESOME! Sandy is fun loving, easy going and makes this awful process totally bearable. Greg and Annie have documented the healing process since she began changing the dressings on Wednesday, the day after I was released from the hospital. By all accounts the healing process is ahead of schedule. My live-in nutritionist and lovely wife, Annie, has ensured I am eating foods that promote healing along with a lot of rest, other than some PT exercises and the occasional outing. 
This past Monday, I had my first follow-up with the orthopedic doctor who performed the surgery to eradicate the infection in the wound. He gave me the thumbs up on the healing process and instructions to continue to bear weight as pain allowed on my leg. I don't see him again for another two weeks. I think the highlight for everyone, including me, was the response I had to the increased pain medications I took prior to the woundVAC change in the doctor's office. I've never been so loopy my whole life. Sandy would ask,"Does that hurt?" and I would just laugh. Needless to say, we've cut back on pain medications....but, that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun with this whole mess. Sandy and Annie thought it appropriate to "dress" my wound up a bit this past Friday for some fun.
Even though we are only ending our second week, the end is in sight and I am getting accustom to the tubes that hang off me and the portable pumps I have to carry around with me, wherever I go. I do get some strange stares occasionally while out and about, I simply say I am an experiment, I normally live underwater and the pumps keep me alive on land. Hell we're in California, anything is possible, right? Although, I did scare a small child.
I keep an upbeat attitude most days, but I'd be false if I said there aren't tough days too, I've had a couple this past week. Trapped, irritated, angry...I can be my own worst enemy. Annie keeps me focused and loves me through even the toughest of moments, I don't know what I would do without her compassion.
For those with a strong stomach and who would like to see more interesting and revealing pictures, check out this link: Staph Recovery
I started back to work on Monday. I've got a reclining camping chair (nothing like the Big Bubba chair I had when I first broke my leg, but it will do just fine) and a lap desk for the computer. I'm obviously limited to computer work and phone calls, client and office visits are still not feasible. I'm happy to be back, it is certainly a nice distraction, along with the view. I'd be going nuts if we were still in Boulder for the winter.
"I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
The air is chilly, the early morning rays of sun are peaking over the mountain tops, filling the clouds with color. People rustle about making last minute adjustments. There is electricity in the air and it's not an impending thunderstorm. Race starts are exhilarating, full of opportunity and energy and of "what could be today". I am present in my mind, body and spirit, it has all of me. Every racer here has their story and is here for a reason, to conquer themselves and discover the outer limits of possibility, push beyond and arrive at a new place within themselves. I am on that journey.
It's August 21, 2010, thirty weeks ago I started battling an infection and now I am standing on the starting line of the Leadville 100. I draw inspiration from those that have battled far darker and menacing threats to overcome them and live again, I am only spectator to their trials. I will run with heart, open my soul to the experience and complete a 10 year dream. Ah, I love visualization.
The reality is that I am okay with any healthy outcome. While I have dreams and goals, simply to live a healthy life with my wife, Annie is achievement enough for me. I accepted on Sunday, the possibility of never running again, I am at peace with that outcome. I have so much more to be grateful for and celebrate, everyday.
It's times like these that I reflect on what I've brought to this world and the people around me, it's not all about the dream of racing Leadville. I could volunteer more, help more people, be more positive, more kind. Today, I'll simply cherish the small things - wash my hair, get cleaned up, get outside and love my wife.
A good friend, mentor and accomplished runner, Steve Byrnes decided for his 40th birthday he'd run 40 miles. It's crazy by most everyone's standards, except Steve. You have to know Steve to understand "why" but what made this so different than any other "run" or "race" was his all inclusive approach with the help of his lovely wife Pamela and good friend Scott Labat. Steve made this event not just about himself and achieving a great milestone, but about his friends and family as well, who all joined in during the run and/or after for the big celebration. Celebrating life through expression of Steve's passion, running, and sharing that experience with everyone will be something I'll always remember and cherish for years to come, at least for the next 10 years, until Steve decides to run 50 miles on his 50th birthday. Congratulations Steve!
Shortly after returning home from Minnesota, we learned that Mimi, Catherine's mother (our grandmother) had passed on. We flew out from San Diego after packing up our place to join family on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Mimi was special to each of us for our own reasons. She was a graceful woman with the ability to make anyone feel at ease and welcome in her presence. You simply couldn't stop yourself from smiling just being around her. She is a reminder to me of the person I always want to be: compassionate, kind, joyful and loving to all. Mimi, we'll miss you dearly, but know you will continue to touch our lives. I will keep my promise to you.
