Yes, I will run again...

The air is chilly, the early morning rays of sun are peaking over the mountain tops, filling the clouds with color. People rustle about making last minute adjustments.  There is electricity in the air and it's not an impending thunderstorm.  Race starts are exhilarating, full of opportunity and energy and of "what could be today".   I am present in my mind, body and spirit, it has all of me.  Every racer here has their story and is here for a reason, to conquer themselves and discover the outer limits of possibility, push beyond and arrive at a new place within themselves.  I am on that journey.

It's August 21, 2010, thirty weeks ago I started battling an infection and now I am standing on the starting line of the Leadville 100.  I draw inspiration from those that have battled far darker and menacing threats to overcome them and live again, I am only spectator to their trials.  I will run with heart, open my soul to the experience and complete a 10 year dream.  Ah, I love visualization.


The reality is that I am okay with any healthy outcome.  While I have dreams and goals, simply to live a healthy life with my wife, Annie is achievement enough for me.  I accepted on Sunday, the possibility of never running again, I am at peace with that outcome.  I have so much more to be grateful for and celebrate, everyday.


It's times like these that I reflect on what I've brought to this world and the people around me, it's not all about the dream of racing Leadville. I could volunteer more, help more people, be more positive, more kind.  Today, I'll simply cherish the small things - wash my hair, get cleaned up, get outside and love my wife.

"No thought, no reflection, no analysis, no cultivation, no intention; let it settle itself." - Tilopa

Life, is just life...I have everything in the world to be grateful for and my predicament pails in comparison to those in Haiti, my heart goes out to that nation.  Unfortunately, Annie and Greg took me to the ER on Sunday morning for oozing that had begun from the top of my hip incision that morning.  Ironically, the oozing eased and relieved the tremendous pressure building in and around the incision and I was again able to bear weight on my left leg while walking with crutches.  After three hours waiting, I was admitted.  


They quickly ascertained I did not have a hematoma as thought on Friday and the collection of fluid was indeed "alien juice" (aka puss) from the infection.  In fact, what was thought to be a superficial infection on Friday, was a full-blown deep-tissue infection.  I was in surgery by 4pm for an irrigation, debris removal and fluid evacuation. While there, the surgeon noticed the infection had made it to the entry/exit point of the femoral nail. He took a tissue sample and left the wound completely open and put an elastic/rubber surgical dressing over the hole.

Of course Annie was by my side, always my light and supportive partner.  My Dad and Catherine were in the area for a conference, we had originally planned on spending time with them, but certainly not in the ER or hospital.  I was grateful for their presence, compassion and support.  Greg gave up his entire Sunday to be with us, he is truly a friend.  He brought a level head, sound advice, supportive and positive energy, I was grateful for his selflessness.

I was admitted to the hospital for observation and antibiotics.  I was put on what I like to call the "Vampire" drug, Vancomician.  It kills everything, including your hearing and kidneys if not monitored properly. 

Monday brought new and painful experiences.  The nurses removed the surgical dressing and installed a WoundVAC.  Essentially, they stuffed the wound with special packing foam and installed a suction cup of sorts to the top and a tube is attached to a pump that creates negative pressure and sucks out bad fluid and allows the wound to heal from the bottom up.  Monday concluded with the infectious disease doctor, who told me it was staph and we were waiting on cultures to determine the strain and susceptibility.  So I continued with a regular IV and the Vampire drug and one more night in the hospital.  I'll keep my perspective on hospital doctors to myself and simply comment on the quality of the nurses, which was superb.  

Tuesday brought new information and new "installations".  I found that I had the MSSA strain of staph, better news than having MRSA (which is a killer).   In order to go home and get a six week cycle of Nafcillian, equally effective on this strain, but less impact on my body, they needed to install a PICC line, essentially a central catheter inside a major vein that leads directly to my heart.  That process sucked and over all the damn thing is uncomfortable.  Once they'd installed the PICC they hooked that up to a battery powered pump that automatically administers a dose every for hours.  So, I have a woundVAC bag hanging off my left side and a PICC pump hanging off my right arm, needless to say mobility is pretty limited.  A few hours later I was happy to be discharged and go home.  Sleep had been elusive for nearly 5 nights and both Annie and I were ready to go home and get some sleep.


I have had this in draft form for many days now.  I have more pictures (Greg is chronicling the healing process) and certainly commentary to add for these past few days.  Annie and Greg have been incredible.  They've taken extremely good care of me.  I leave this post with a simple closing, "Infection, Infection you are my Rejection!", I will live to run again!

 

Good and Bad News. The Alien is back!

First the good news: I signed up for the Leadville 100 in August on Wednesday,7 months to get ready, and then Thursday came.

Well now for the bad news. I've had a huge setback this week, after accelerated strides the first 15 days. We made it to Solana Beach on Monday and it has rained for 5 straight days with some respites of sunshine. Thursday I decided to go to a physical therapist, I found one near the house. I had asked for a recommendation from the San Diego Track Club coach and contacted someone else earlier in the week, but had not heard back from him and went ahead and made the appointment with the local PT. Certainly my zest for accelerating my recovery was at the forefront of my mind and clouding judgment.

Needless to say there were warning signs from the minute a walked in the office, those I did not heed. She worked on my incision points and proceeded to do some soft tissue work around my hip incision where they removed the hardware.

I left feeling not quite right, went to the grocery store and by the time I got home could barely walk. I crawled into an Epsom Salt bath, got out and applied ice and within an hour required crutches to get around. Severe swelling had overcome the entire area and it was extremely painful, more painful than any other day of recovery.

Thursday night was no picnic, hot and cold flashes, hammering headache, the works. At 4:30am we moved upstairs to the couches (needless the say, the bed in our rental sucks and compounds the issue with my leg).

Friday morning I called my doctor in Boulder to get direction and explain the situation, I also talked to the PT that was recommended to me and he referred me to the CORE Orthopaedic Medical Center. I was miserable all day and in intense pain. The swelling was huge and throbbing and rock hard, no amount or duration of icing or Traumeel was having any effect. I made it to the appointment and they confirmed what my Boulder doctor had thought, I had a mild, superficial infection on the hip incision and a huge hematoma. I freaked. They explained, the hematoma is simply a collection of blood in the body caused by a broken blood vessel. So essentially on Thursday, the PT either aggravated or caused the blood vessel to rupture and create a hematoma. CORE gave me antibiotics for the infection and vicodin for the pain. I have a follow-up appointment Monday morning, if the hematoma doesn't grow larger over the weekend, in which case I was told to go to the ER.

We slept upstairs again last night (kind of a sleepover type thing - I woke at 2am and Annie watched a movie with me, sort of fun in that regard). All in all last night was good, however this morning the hematoma is looking larger, I'm in my favorite position these days, horizontal, hoping that it will subside a bit otherwise we'll be in the ER later today.

Greg arrives with his Mom this afternoon. I'm looking forward to that, a nice social distraction. A friend of mine, Andrew has a really good perspective on "being present". I am practicing patience in that presence at the moment. I'm pretty disappointed in myself and this whole situation. I knew better and didn't practice good judgment and neither did the PT, who should have known better professionally then to do work on me.

What am I focusing on? All the small things that make this better. Annie is the best, she takes such good care of me in every aspect, ever patient and loving. I am appreciating the value of drugs (I am normally against them). I took a shower today and changed clothes after two days, WOW that felt good. I have a great view of the endless ocean form the window, which reminds me of endless opportunities. Finally, of course I am visualizing a positive recovery and return to the trails.

Annie made a good point yesterday, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. If I hadn't developed the hematoma, I might not have gone to see the doctor and discovered the infection, which in these circumstances could have been life threatening, if left untouched and untreated.

I'm in relatively good spirits, lessons learned:

1) Trust your initial instincts, don't compromise and expect the same results. I should have waited to see the PT that was recommended to me by the track coach.

2) Surgery is surgery, it takes awhile to recover no matter how good you feel, be patient and don't push it.

3) Don't buy ice packs that claim to last 8 hours, if you think it's too good to be true, well, it is.

4) Love is more powerful than fear.

Day 12: The pool is cool

Annie and I have been in Palm Springs the past week, tomorrow we leave for Solana Beach (north of San Diego). We've had great weather here, I mean it looks nice from the window. I had limited forays into the wild, balancing recovery and work during the week. However, yesterday and today I got a chance to really get out. We did the art festival in La Quinta and then explored the Salton Sea - an amazing landscape.

Today we broke dawn at Joshua Tree N.P. and then headed to the outdoor pool, my first swim.

I LOVED IT! The joy was akin to my first swim. After an hour in the water we wanted to keep going, but also didn't want to push it too far. I was able mix in 500 yards of underwater running with a good overall swim workout, and it felt great!

Have you ever seen Alien the movie?

One week and two days since the extraction surgery and all is fine. We drove to Palm Springs starting Saturday and arrived Sunday. More than nineteen hours in the car didn't do much for the swelling around my extraction points. I suffered the most on Monday and Tuesday with what looked like an alien trying to birth itself from my left butt cheek. However, yesterday and today have been the best progress yet. I'm off the crutches four days early (with permission) and along side my existing exercises I had two good 30 minute spinning sessions on the trainer. Annie remains my cautious conscious and protector yet sincere motivator.

Walking is awkward and tiresome, but it's good to be off the crutches. We are hopeful for some riding *outside* this weekend and perhaps even a short walk. I am optimistic, and will be more so when the alien disappears.

Running Free

Why name to blog Running Free? Why "pedliving.blogspot.com". For me running is freedom from many things, but we'll get to that subject later. The main reason for the name is that for nearly 6 years I've battled to regain balanced fitness with foreign hardware in my body. I can't count the number of times I've been running or not running and had some weird twinge, ache or pain in my left leg and scratched my head or taken a step back to analyze "why". Or for that matter issues on the right side of my body. It really hasn't been too bad until 2009. I started having issues doing things that never before bothered me. I would go for a ride and my left, lower back would literally "fall asleep". My right glut muscles were a tightly wound ball. Not to mention when the mercury drops below 32 degrees the stabilizing screw in my knee would ache. I couldn't even run in 40 degree temps; my left knee would seize up after a run and only a hot bath would cure the stiffness and pain. However, there are not just physical limitations, but mental and emotional effects as well.

So I decided chronicling my recovery would be a good mental and emotional way to manage the bound back to running free, again.

I used "pedliving" as my blog spot because we all live on our feet. We were born to live on our feet, it's inherent in our DNA. Our ancestors, ancestor's survival required them to live on their feet. I am blessed to not have a handicap or restriction, so I believe I should make use of what abilities I have been given.

Through this chronicle I hope to maintain positive mental and emotional focus on the good things in life, while physically recovering to achieve my personal running goals in 2010. My biggest and most difficult goal this year, will be running my first 100 mile race, The Leadville 100 at the end of August.

Recovery Update Day 4

Good things in life always take longer to obtain...Surgery was 2 hours longer than expected. The nail was hesitant to leave the cozy home of my femur marrow cavity. There was tremendous bone growth over the entrance point in the femur which subsequently required a lot of drilling. The doctor removed the rod by screwing a conical, threaded extraction device that attached to a bar for impaction with a slotted mallet (translation: they attach a "nail head" and use a hammer to literally reverse it out by pounding on it). Needless to say my entire leg was traumatized.

I was a really out of it after surgery. Annie drove me home and the first night was difficult. Annie, flew into nurse-mode, and as she did during and after the initial accident, took extremely good care of me and was patient with my irritability and frequent requests. We both were thinking to ourselves this was harder then when the damn thing was put in (maybe our memory of that was a bit fuzzy). Matt brought over dinner and we hung out for a few hours. The first night of sleep was anything but, with frequent trips to the bathroom and doses of Vicadin. However, upon waking, it seemed like many muscles had released and adhesion had subsided.

I worked the entire first day, which while on Vicadin made for an interesting day of work. The last two days we've seen continued improvement in swelling, muscle relief and pain. I've been doing what I can with exercises (leg lifts and knee bends) and tried to be good about not putting weight on my left leg (but I am impatient).

It's Saturday and we begin our trek to California through a southerly route stopping in Santa Fe, Sendona and finally to Palm Springs.

There are those days that feel like "beginnings".

I will get my five years and 7 months old, femoral rod removed along with the screw in my knee in two hours.

Can I hear a Hallelujah!

So why is this a beginning? Let's just say everyone needs a rebirth once in awhile, a reawakening.

Pictures to follow.